What is a Sexaholic?

We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.

Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options. But we have found that acceptance of these facts is the key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know.

This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this.

© 1982, 1989, 2001 SA Literature.
Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.

Am I a Sexaholic?

Over the years many of us have had to grapple with this question. The transition from “except for one or two little self-control issues, everything is fine”—to embracing a title that society reserves for outcasts of the lowest order, rarely happens overnight. However, we have found that there does not seem to be a representative Sexaholic, or sex addict, and the men and women of our fellowship come from all walks of life.

The basic problem for the majority of our members, is that over time the moral values and character traits formerly guiding us gave way to self-centered pleasure seeking. Caught up in ourselves, we violated family, social, personal, and sometimes legal boundaries over and over again.

The Twenty Questions, linked below, can be a helpful guide in providing a deeper insight to the inner landscape. Feel free to answer the questions for yourself; and if you decide to join us, may you find the refuge and reprieve that has embraced so many of us who have gone before you.

Test Myself